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Debbie's Throwback Review Highlight

  • Writer: Debbie
    Debbie
  • 10 hours ago
  • 10 min read

I read a lot, a LOT. I know what I like, and I know what I need to avoid. Not because of triggers, but simply because I don't like something in the book. 


But sometimes, there comes along a book that throws you for a loop, on a deeply personal level. I knew something in the book would touch a nerve; I just wasn't prepared for how much it would affect me, and how I viewed someone very close to me. 


A book that spawns a brand new shelf on Goodreads, called Masterpieces, with this being the inaugural book to that shelf, in March 2018. A shelf that carries only 13 books in 8 years. 


The book: Living On Air, by Susan Mac Nicol.

READERS' FAVORITE BOOK AWARD WINNER


PIERCING THE NIGHT Cary Stilwell has been existing since he was ten years old, and each year it gets harder to find meaning in his bleak life. The only exception - his work. As a top-billed aerialist in a popular travelling circus, he enjoys accolades and applause, but little else. When notable photographer, Rhys McIntyre, joins the circus to catalogue its inner workings, Cary fights the attraction that hits him from the moment they meet. But a kind soul wrapped in a beautiful body has a way of battering all the walls Cary has built around his cold, dark heart.


WITH LIGHT Rhys McIntyre is on his third iteration of reinventing himself. Once a hotdog financier, he embraced his passion for photography and became an eminent war photojournalist. Until one too many bullets lodged in his body, and he gave up the front lines for the softer side of chronicling life. When he accepts the assignment to record life in a circus, the last thing he expects is to find the man crush of his dreams. Except Cary Stilwell is a cold, tortured man who seems incapable of any warm emotion, never mind love. But Rhys is known for his persistence, and this time the pay-off might be more than he could have ever imagined.


The blurb doesn't give much away, but as a follower of Ms Mac Nicol on various media sites, I knew a bit about what was coming. I was NOT prepared, not in the least, for how deeply we get into Cary's mind, into the way his brain works when he does what he does. 


I tried to write a coherent review, but it kinda ran away with itself. Writing this post, rereading my review? Had me blubbing all over again!


My Review: 

Independent reviewer for Archaeolibrarian, I was gifted my copy of this book.


There comes along, once in a rare while, a book that PUSHES you. It pushes you out of your comfort zone. It pushes your skill at writing a coherent review, but most of all, it PUSHES you to get into the mind of someone close to you that you hadn't been able to before.


And OMG this book PUSHED me! So if my review goes awry, it's because I can't get the right words out, okay??


Cary has his own coping methods to deal with a major childhood trauma. Except, he isn't dealing with it, not really; he just deals with the pain his coping method causes. And he is good at hiding what he is doing. Rhys comes to the circus to take pictures, that's all. Pictures to go in a book. But Cary has a powerful reaction to Rhys, and vice versa, and the circus folk are amusing, watching Rhys PUSH Cary. But they both carry scars, physical and emotional, and when Cary decides to confront his, he PUSHES Rhys away.


Finding it so difficult to write this, I really am, without bawling my eyes out.


I'm not giving anything away by saying Cary self-harms, and from the very first PAGE we get it. And getting into Cary's mindset when he does what he does, THAT is the hardest thing I found to read in this book. Someone VERY close to me used to do this, not to the extent that Cary does, but close. I could never get my head round the why she did this; it made no sense to me at all. And their trauma was totally different to Cary's, but getting into Cary's mind as he descends into oblivion, made me understand a little bit better WHY she did this.


And trust me when I say this, the amount of attention to detail and research gone into this book is OUTSTANDING! Cary's trauma and coping methods, and what happened after. Rhys' own trauma, while not as in-depth as Cary's, is bad too. Cary on his silks, I could SEE him, you know?? It was just like being there! And now?? Now I want to see the guy whom Ms Mac Nicol used as inspiration for Cary and his silks.


The scene where the title came to make complete and total sense?? I had to go sit out the back for a few minutes, because I really did cry at that!


I started to read this at work (don't tell anyone!) and I had to keep putting it down. I had to keep putting it down when a particular chapter was difficult or too emotional, and I was getting upset. Had I been at home, I have no doubt I would have bawled my way through and read the whole book in one go.


Or at least I would have tried to. Because this is not a fluffy romance, it is not an easy read, and it's not even a Happily Ever After.


But what it is, is an outstanding piece of work that Susan Mac Nicol should call her Masterpiece of writing.


There is a little author's note on the blurb; I strongly suggest you heed it.


While Cary and Rhys don't get a full Happily Ever After, they do get a Happy For Now. Both guys have a lot of healing to do, individually and as a couple. I just hope Ms Mac Nicol will write them a Happily Ever After, and SOON!!!


I can't word how much, even though it is an emotionally gut-wrenching read, how much I LOVED this book. You know what?? Brand new shelf on Goodreads, just for books like this. Its title?? Masterpieces.


5 stars, but only because I can't give it anymore!


Susan always planned to write a follow-up, but as is often the case, much to most readers' chagrin, life got in the way. 


BUT! 


Susan very kindly wrote a little bit to go with this post, and I love that she did. 


“But why?”

Those two words were near giving Carey apoplexy, and he wished he was anywhere other than in the circus Big Top with one of his fellow performers over curious children. The little girl stared at him with big blue eyes, as she clutched what once looked like some sort of stuffed animal, Carey couldn’t quite tell what. It gave him the creeps with its one wonky eye and a line of stuffing seeping from its round belly like entrails.

“Moni, I told you before.” At least five times now. “What I’m doing now isn’t safe for little girls, because they could fall. And imagine me having to tell your mummy and daddy their precious child was injured.” Carey tugged at the silks he was holding with white knuckles as he attempted to find his patience which in all honesty had strolled out of the arena ten minutes ago, bidding him a fond farewell and a cheery ‘fuck you’’.

Where the fuck is Rhys when I need him? Carey imagined he was off somewhere with his damned camera, taking images for yet another international bestselling coffee table book. His boyfriend had struck the mother lode it seemed, when it came to depictions of circus life around the world.

Moni regarded him with suspicion. “Then why can you do it if it’s dangerwus?” She wagged the sad stuffed relic at him. “Happy wants to know.”

Carey stared at her and took a deep breath. “Because I’m an adult, I’ve been practising this for a very long time, and in fact, I really need to get back to my routine. Why don’t you go find one of your parents, or Uncle Rhys, and ask them why you can’t fly high with me? I’m sure they’ll give you a far better answer than I can.”

Moni shook her head. “Uncle Rhys is in town, and Mummy said she and daddy were busy with Louis, ‘cos he’s my baby brother and he needed putting to sleep. He isn’t four like I am.” She huffed, sat down cross legged in the sand strewn arena and pouted stubbornly, her chubby legs stretched out in front. “They said to come visit you.”

Oh, they did, did they, Carey thought grimly as he wrapped his legs around the silk and began climbing. It seemed like it was the only way to escape Moni’s determined presence. “Well, please move to the bench over there,” he indicated one of the visitor sections, “so you aren’t too close to me, and sit still while I practice my moves. Can you do that?”

“Why?”

Grant me patience.” Because kids shouldn’t be in the arena when people are performing. Something or someone could fall, like me, and land on you and I’m sure you and Happy wouldn’t like that, would you? You’d both be squashed like a bug.” Am I supposed to say that to kids or will Social Services be here soon?

Moni’s eyes widened, then she gave a long-suffering sigh and mumbled, “Fine” as she moved over to sit outside the arena. Happy swung beside her, held in one small hand, and Carey breathed a sigh of relief.

Right, time to fly. Carey flicked the remote for his music routine, dropped it on the ground and climbed his precious silks towards freedom, and the peace it contained. The song he’d chosen was one of his favourites — he loved Be Together by Major Lazer and Wild Belle. When he worked, he was invincible, a God of the Air, finding himself, no longer that scared, defenceless boy he’d been, or the tormented adult he’d become. As he worked his routine, thoughts of Rhys made him smile. He’d never imagined he’d find someone who could love him the way Rhys did--unconditionally.

The song rose to a crescendo and he glided down the silks, to reach the ground with a flourish and a graceful step off the silk, then stood, breathing heavily and basking in the afterglow of his performance in the sky. He'd forgotten all about the little girl sitting in the benches and he looked over guiltily. Damn, I hope she's still there. He didn't want to face her parents and tell them he'd lost their kid. Dad in this case was the rough spoken magician 'Spellbinder' and her mother --well, she scared the pants off everyone as Madam Saberina, a fierce Greek woman with a temper. 

To his relief, Moni was still there, gazing enraptured at him, her face alight with wonder. "You danced in the air," she breathed. "I saw you. You made magic like daddy but in the sky."

She stood up and approached him with wonder in her face. “I want to be a ballerina like you.” She pirouetted on her feet and held Happy up like her dance partner. “You looked so bootiful.”

Carey’s heart tightened at the obvious joy on her face. Sometimes he forgot how much pleasure someone else could get out of seeing him perform.

“Thank you, little lady,” he murmured with a smile. “I guess if you really want to learn to be an aerialist, you need to come attend kid’s classes with me every week. Ask your parents if they’d allow you to come and I’ll teach you how to become magic in the air.  Make sure they agree first, and I’ll need them to tell me themselves.”

Moni nodded, eyes shining. “Can I bring Happy too? He loves watching.”

Carey laughed. “Yes, of course you can bring him, Although I think he needs a little surgery around the middle, he seems to be pushing his insides out of his fur. Why don’t you ask Uncle Rhys to fix him when he gets back? I’m sure he’d love to do it.”

He sniggered under his breath at the thought of his so nondomestic boyfriend being asked to take up a needle and cotton. Rhys wasn’t particularly dextrous with his hands—unless you counted what he did with them when they were alone.Then his man was an expert at taking him apart and putting him back together.

“I will, Carey, I pwomise.” Moni clapped her little hands which meant poor Happy fell to the floor. She leaned down and picked him up by one straggly ear. Carey still didn’t know what Happy was supposed to be.

She left the Big Top running, and he grinned.  “Well, I guess I have my uses after all, training future littleminxes to perform. That one’s going to be handful, I think.”

He slid the silks through his hands and began climbing again, buoyed with the knowledge his skills had made someone happy. And as the music began playing, Valerie Brousards Trouble, Carey shut out the world and danced.


 You can access Carey’s play list here


I'd love for Susan to write a full-length novel about these two, I really would, but fully understand that may never happen, but hey! I don't mind, not really. I loved this book, I really did.


Thank you, Susan. for writing their book, and for contributing to this blog post.


Susan writes steamy, sexy and fun contemporary romance stories, some suspenseful, some gritty and dark and hopefully always entertaining.


She loves going to the theatre, live music concerts (especially if it’s her man

crush Adam Lambert) the divine Cumberbatch, walks in the countryside, a good G and T, lazing away afternoons reading a good book, and watching horror films.


She’s also Editor in Chief at Divine Magazine, an online entertainment e-zine, and a member of The Society of Authors, and the Authors Guild in the US. Susan is also an award-winning script writer, with scripts based on two of her own published works. Sight Unseen has garnered no less than ten awards to date.


CONNECT WITH SUSAN

Susan's Fan Shop - Something Write https://www.redbubble.com/people/somethingwrite


Susan has also featured on other podcasts and interviews, and you can find them at the links below.

 

Susan was honoured to be asked to be part of a panel with the Independent Writers of Southern California. You can listen to a truly interesting podcast right here

 

 

Southend Radio- Sunday Live with Tracy Cooper. There are two parts to the interview, you can listen below. A Benedict Cumberbatch themed conversation between two dyed in the wool Cumberbitches.

 

Nicholas Downs and Susan also appeared on Wrote Podcast with Baz Collins and Vance Bastian, talking about Sight Unseen and M/M Romance in general. You can listen to this below:

 

Susan is interviewed by award winning dystopian sci-fi novelist, John Trevillian about my incursion into the writing world.

 

Susan spends time with the chaps at Chat and Spin Radio

I was on the radio...about 50 - 51 minutes in. It was a load of fun, and they are actively looking for other authors to interview if you fancy doing it. You can also donate to their crowdfunding if you have the inclination, to keep this radio station going. Simply email them on their website and you too can be a radio star #radio#interview#liveshow#authorsonradio


Until next time, which will be 10 books on 26th Feb, my sister's birthday! 


Debbie x




 
 
 

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